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SEX, LOVE & PROPERTY Alan Dent SCENE ONE SCENE TWO SCENE THREE SCENE FOUR SCENE FIVE
Lights up on a living-room. Door extreme right. Large white leather sofa, right. A gold framed mirror above the mantelpiece, left. An atmosphere of material ease. Molly sits on a large suitcase to the left of the sofa facing Mark, standing, who is wearing his banker’s work clothes, including his overcoat.
Molly: I intended to leave a note. Mark: I don’t get it. Molly: Oh Mark. Don’t try to pretend you didn’t know. Look how our marriage has been for the last…the last ten…..fifteen years. Mark: How has it been ? Molly: A joke. Mark: Ha, ha. Molly: Try to be serious. Mark: Where you going ? Molly: Town to meet Will. Then driving down to Brighton. Mark: Will who ? Molly: You must know. Mark: Strickland ? Molly: Yes. Mark: Arrogant little loser. She gets up. He sits on the sofa. Molly: Okay. You’re hurt. Mark: How long ? Molly: I don’t know. Years. Mark: Thirty years. Molly: Don’t be ridiculous. Mark: I’m being ridiculous? Molly: Yes. These things happen. Mark: Like earthquakes. They just aren’t supposed to happen here. Molly: Maybe you didn’t want to know you were living on a fault line. Mark: What are you going to do when you get to Brighton, build sandcastles ? Molly: Will’s bought a house. Got a job. Mark: Serving fries ? Molly: Psychotherapy. Mark: The mad treating the mad. Molly: He’s perfectly well-balanced. Mark: That’s what they said about Gaddafi. Molly: That’s a silly comparison. Mark: What’s wrong with a bit of silliness ? A man gets home from a hard week in the bank and finds his wife has packed all she needs in two suitcases and is about to leave a note. What were you going to write ? “Enjoyed the last twenty-seven years. Will send a card at Christmas. You can keep the cat.” Molly: Don’t be facetious. Mark: Silly, facetious, ridiculous. What’s next ? Molly: Let’s behave like adults. Mark: Let’s behave like children and go and paddle in the sea at Brighton. Molly: Nothing you can say will change my mind. Mark gets up. She sits on the suitcase. Mark: What makes you think I want to change your mind ? Molly: I didn’t expect you to be so surprised. I thought you knew. Mark: I knew my wife has been shagging my old friend Will, the chaotic little fart who’s been trying to be Fulham’s Shakespeare for the last two decades and I said nothing. I did nothing. I accepted this as I might have accepted her joining the bridge club. Molly: I can’t believe you’ve been happy. Mark: Only happy people know they’re happy. Molly: Only unhappy people know they’re unhappy. Mark: Unhappy people are as easy to spot as sparrows. Molly: You knew I was unhappy ? Mark: No. Molly: I’ve been unhappy for years. Mark: Even though Will was putting his dick in your mouth ? Molly: Don’t be vulgar. Mark: When did we last have sex ? You know I can’t remember. It must’ve been…did we do it in bed ? No ! It was in here. After that bloody awful film in the West End. When was that ? Saturday before last. Remember. You sucked my cock. Did you suck Will’s on the same day. Molly: I’m not talking to you. Mark: I’m just interested. Molly: I’m going. Mark: You’ve had it pretty good for the last…how many years ? Molly: I didn’t count. Mark: But Will. If I have to share my wife, he’s the last person I’d want to share with. Molly: Who was asking your permission ? Mark: Is he the only one ? Molly: Don’t be puerile. Mark: Because if there are more you should tell him. Molly: He knows all he needs to know. Mark: The last thing you want is for this to get off on the wrong foot. Molly: I don’t need your advice. Mark: You wouldn’t want twenty-seven years of opening your legs for the bastard if you find in the first fortnight you can’t stand him. Molly: It wasn’t the first fortnight. Mark: That’s a relief. When was it ? Molly: Can’t pin these things down. Mark: You can’t, Molly.One day you just get into bed with your husband’s mate and think, Christ, I’m married to the wrong man ! Molly: You don’t even like him. Mark: Do you ? Molly: I think so, Mark. Mark: You think so. Molly: I like him. Mark: He told me once he was having it off with this woman in Peckham who liked it up the arse. Molly: I’m going. She gets up. He sits down. Mark: Has he….? Molly: Mark, our relationship is over. Mark: So we can talk frankly. I’ve been shagging you sister for the past six years… Molly: What ! Mark: A joke. Molly: That’s sick. Mark: I don’t know. Debbie is half-way attractive in the right light. Molly: I didn’t imagine you’d take it so hard. Mark : I thought you were going. Molly: I am. Mark: Are you taking the car ? Molly: Going to ring for a taxi. Mark: Go ahead. Molly: We should part amicably. Mark: Why ? Molly: Don’t be awkward. Mark: Show our feelings. Molly: Of course. Mark: Twenty-seven years. You must be seething. Molly: No. Mark: I would be. Molly: That’s one way we’re different. Mark: What are the others ? Molly: I’m tidy. Mark: You are the most slovenly woman in Europe. Molly: How can you say that ? Mark: I’ve lived with you for twenty-seven years. Molly: You leave your underpants and socks by the bed every day. Mark: Not every day. Molly. Every day. It’s a statement: wash those, you bitch ! Mark: That’s paranoid. Molly: I have picked up your underpants and socks and put them in the washing machine every day for twenty-seven years. Mark: Who asked you to ? Molly: You did. Mark: I never asked. Molly: Leaving them on the floor was asking. Mark I would have washed them. Molly: When ? Mark: What do you mean, when ? Molly: You never showed the least suspicion of washing your underwear. Mark: That’s because you did it. Molly: Do you think I could tolerate your smelly clothes piling up in the bedroom ? Mark: When did they ever pile up ? Molly: I washed them. Mark: You wanted to. Molly: Did I ? Mark: Why else would you do it ? Molly: I can’t believe you. She sits down. He gets up. Mark: I can’t believe you think you’re tidy. Molly: I am tidy. Mark: Your shoes are tidy ? Molly: My shoes ? Mark: How many pairs are there in the bottom of the wardrobe ? Molly: A dozen. Mark: Thirty-four. Molly: Don’t be ridiculous. Mark: I counted. Molly: When ? Mark: Recently. Molly: I had a clear out. Mark: Since your clear out. Molly: I took a bagful to the recycling. Mark: Thirty-four left. Molly: You counted my shoes ? Mark: Yes. Molly: Why ? Mark: To prove you’re out of touch with reality. Molly: You count shoes and I’m out of touch ? Mark: You think you have a dozen pairs. Molly: About a dozen. Mark: You’re shoe delusional. Molly: Is that a recognized condition ? Mark: That’s what I’ve had to put up with. Molly: Put up with ? Mark: Twenty-seven years. Molly: Put up with me ? Mark: Don’t know you’re born. Molly: Because I don’t know exactly how many pairs of shoes I have ? Mark: Shoes are just one example. Molly: What else don’t I know ? Mark: Where would you be except for me ? Molly: Happy. Mark: I made you unhappy ? Molly: You did. Mark: How ? Molly: You counted my shoes. Mark: Who needs thirty-four pairs. Molly: I don’t have thirty-four pairs. Mark: Go and count them. Molly: I’ve better things to do. Mark: Such as ? Molly: Okay. I’ll count them. I guarantee there are fifteen pairs, tops. Mark: You said a dozen. Molly: I said about a dozen. Mark: You didn’t approximate. You were definitive. Molly: Fifteen maximum. Mark: Go and count. She gets up. He sits down. Molly: Why am I doing this ? Mark: To prove you’re delusional. Molly: Why am I still here ? Mark: Go and count. Molly: I will. I guarantee twenty at the outside. Mark: You said a dozen. Molly: I said fifteen. Mark: Now it’s twenty. Molly: About twenty. Mark: Go and count. Molly: I will. If there are more than twenty-one you can keep the Mercedes. Mark: Nice car. Molly: That’s why I’m having it. Mark: Go and count. Molly: I am. She goes. He jumps up unzips the suitcase and rummages. Pulls out a basque, thong, extravagant vibrator and stockings. Holds them up in front of him one at a time, the basque first, then the thong,the vibrator, then each stocking. Sniffs the thong. Plunges his hand back into the suitcase. Pulls out an envelope. Feels it. Tears it open. Pulls out a wad of notes. Licks his finger and begins to count. Hears Molly. Stuffs the clothes and vibrator under the cushions of the sofa. Shoves the money and the envelope in his pockets. Zips the suitcase. Sits. Molly enters. Stands. Won’t look at him. Mark: Well ? Molly: You were wrong. Mark: How many. Molly: Thirty. Mark: You miscounted. Molly: I did not miscount. Mark: I’ll count. Molly: Stay where you are. Mark: I told you. You’re delusional. Molly: It’s shoes. Who cares ? Mark: It’s symptomatic. Molly: Of what ? Mark: Mental confusion. Molly: You’re the one who had a nervous breakdown. Mark: That was thirty years ago. Molly: You couldn’t stop crying. Mark: I was young. Molly: You complained about your wretchedness. Mark: A phase. Molly: You wrote a seven hundred page book on Schopenhauer. Mark: I needed to keep busy Molly: No publisher would touch it. Mark: It wasn’t written for the commercial market. Molly: You became obsessive about Elton John. Mark: I was young. Molly: Your bad taste is genetic. Mark: And you liked Siouxie and The Banshees ? Molly: I never liked Siouxie and The Banshees. Mark: Bought all their LPs. Molly: I bought one. Mark: Why ? Molly: I knew their manager. Mark: In what sense ? Molly: Acquaintance. Mark: Intimate acquaintance. Molly: I was never intimate with Siouxie and the Banshees’ manager. Mark: You liked the music. Molly: I liked the drugs. Mark: You spent three years in a cannabis induced stupor. Molly: Never in a stupor. Mark: Probably had sex with the manager without knowing. Molly: I know everyone I’ve had sex with. Mark: Their music was crap. Molly: Never liked them. Mark: Smoking dope and screwing with Siouxie and the Banshees’ manager is good taste ? Molly: Never had sex with him. Mark: Was he queer ? Molly: Didn’t fancy him. Mark: Didn’t he have a dick ? Molly: He fancied me. Mark: He was queer. Molly: All the boys fancied me in those days. Mark: Easy lay. Molly: I was never easy. Mark: Drugged up to the eyeballs. Molly: I smoked for a year. Mark: Three. Molly: A phase. Mark: I rescued you from that shit. Molly: You rescued me ? Mark: Siouxie and the Banshees. That was your level. Molly: I was into Mozart by the time I was twenty. Mark: I introduced you to Mozart. Molly: You thought Mozart was a romantic. Mark: I did not. Molly: I should’ve known. Mark: What ? Molly: You were never going to be mentally stable. Mark: Let’s not forget whose mother is a manic depressive. Molly: Who wouldn’t be with a husband like hers ? Mark: So I get the Mercedes. Molly: You do not. Mark: There are thirty pairs. That’s more than twenty-one. Molly: You planted them. Mark: I did what ? Molly: You set this up. Mark: I set this up ? Molly: To humiliate me. Mark: You bung thirty pairs of shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe and I’m to blame? Molly: I do not bung shoes in the wardrobe. Mark: You bung. Molly: I place. Mark: Look at those shoes. Are they placed or bunged ? Molly: Placed. Mark: Like the Americans placed a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima. Molly: You always go off at a tangent. Mark: I am not going off at a tangent. You bung your shoes everywhere. Molly: Oh, for God’s sake ! Mark: You are incapable of placing a shoe. For twenty-seven years I’ve watched you bung shoes and then say “Have you seen my stilletos ?” As if you had one pair. Molly: I do not bung shoes and I certainly don’t bung them everywhere. Mark: I once counted the pairs under the bed. Molly: Do you work for a clandestine government agency? Mark: Seventeen. Molly: You should see a psychiatrist. Mark: Of which three had one shoe missing. Molly: If I’d counted your underpants. Mark: You’d have stopped at one. Molly: Thousands. What’s three hundred and sixty five times twenty-seven ? Mark: At least I don’t bung my dirty underwear in the wardrobe. Molly: My shoes aren’t dirty. Mark: You bung them in the wardrobe then you say I’m untidy. Molly: I said I’m tidy. Mark: Implying I’m not. Molly: You’re reading something into my words. Mark: You said we’re different and you’re tidy. Molly: That’s right. Mark: Meaning the difference is I’m untidy. Molly: Not necessarily. Mark: What else could it mean ? Molly: You’re not as tidy as me. Mark: No, I don’t bung my shoes in the wardrobe. Molly: I don’t bung. I never bung anything. I place. I store. I insert. Mark: You open the door and you bung them in then you slam the door. Molly: I have never slammed a door in my life. Mark: You know how many times I’ve had to fix the hinges on the wardrobe door ? Molly: That’s because you buy substandard furniture. Mark: You chose the wardrobe. Molly: I wouldn’t have had that junk anywhere near my house. Mark: You bought it and as soon as it was delivered you were bunging your shoes in the bottom. Molly: We’ve had that wardrobe twenty years. Mark: It’s been hammered. Bung. Bung. Bung. Molly: How many pairs of shoes do you think I had twenty years ago ? Mark: Two dozen. Molly: Do you remember how much you were earning twenty years ago. Mark: Approximately. Molly: Emily was three, remember? I was working part-time. Mark: And bunging your shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe. Molly: I could hardly afford two pairs of shoes on your lousy money. Mark: My salary was never lousy. Molly: It was lousy. We had to have holidays in Cornwall. Mark: What’s wrong with Cornwall ? Molly: It’s attached to the rest of England and it rains in August. Mark: We had one holiday in Cornwall. Molly: Three. Mark: Two at the most. Molly: The Esplanade Hotel, the caravan park, and the cottage in St Ives. Three. Mark: Wrong. The hotel and the caravan were the same holiday. A week in each. Molly: Three times. A fortnight each. Because your salary was so lousy. Mark: It was never lousy. We had two young kids, that’s all. Molly: Kate and Den had three young kids. Where did they go ? Mark: What do I care ? Molly: Mexico. The Gambia. Australia. Mark: The Gambia ! Fuck The Gambia. Molly: It’s a bit more interesting than Padstow. Mark: Kate and Den are holiday snobs. They may have been to The Gambia but they’ve never been to The Sweden or The Portugal or even The bloody Paris. Molly: They like to explore. Mark: We explore. Molly: We explored. Thanks to my salary. Mark: Your salary isn’t that much more than mine. Molly: Include my bonus. Mark: Include your credit card debts. Molly: We aren’t talking about debts. Mark: We are talking about affording holidays. Molly: We’ve been all over the world. Thanks to my salary. Mark: Our salaries. Molly: The point is, Mark, in the early days you didn’t earn enough for me to have thirty pairs of shoes. You don’t know how I had to scrimp. Mark: Scrimp ? You just rang your mother. Molly: Don’t start on my mother. Mark: And how did she get her money ? Molly: Fair and square. Mark: The bastard was an arms dealer. Molly: He was a businessman. Mark: Arms dealers are businessmen. Molly: It was legal. Mark: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Molly: A perfectly bona fide business. Like banking. Mark: He was a crook and you know it. Molly: In any case, I did not call my mother. I scrimped. Mark: On what ? Molly: On what ? On everything. That’s how much you notice what’s going on around you. Mark: I never saw you scrimp. I saw you squander. Molly: In the early days I scrimped. Mark: Now you squander. Molly: I don’t squander any more. Mark: Remind me how much you owe. Molly:I can’t remember. Mark: You don’t want to remember. Molly: What’s it to you. I pay. Mark: Does Will know ? Molly: We have no secrets. Mark: A hundred grand of credit card debt. He’d better get plenty of clients. Molly: I have a good job. Mark: You do. I’ll say that for you. Molly: How gracious. Mark: You work sixteen hours a day, but you bring home the bacon. Molly: That’s how the industry functions. Mark: You drink like a Russian sailor but you make the dosh all right. Molly: I do not drink like a Russian sailor. I enjoy a glass of wine with a meal. Mark: A glass ? Molly: Two glasses. Mark: There were two bottles of Cava in the fridge last night. Did the fairies drink them ? Molly: You had one. Mark: I had a glass. Molly: Two glasses. Mark: You had the rest. Molly: They aren’t finished. Mark: Go and look. Molly: I don’t need to. Mark: You want me to get the bottles from the recycling ? Molly: I’m going to phone for a taxi. Takes out her mobile. Mark: Don’t forget this. He pulls the basque from under the cushion. Molly: You’ve no right. She tries to grab the basque. He jumps up and runs round the back of the sofa. Mark: Don’t you think you’re getting a bit podgy ? She jumps on the sofa and lunges.. Molly: Will doesn’t think so. He dodges. She pursues him. Mark: Will suffers from solidified adolescence. He’s probably still pulling his plonker over pussy mags. Molly: He has no need to. Mark: It looks a bit small to me. You’ll damage your insides. Molly: I don’t have to squeeze and I am not podgy. Mark: You weigh twelve stone. Molly: Eleven and a half. Mark: When we got married you weighed eight. Molly: I was twenty-four. Mark: Poor Will. Maybe flab turns him on. Molly: I am not flabby. I have a mature embonpoint. Mark: A what ? Molly (stops chasing) : Embonpoint. It’s French. Mark: Really ? French for flabby. Molly: That shows how ignorant you are. Mark: So what does it mean ? Molly: Having a good figure. Mark: Podgy. Molly: Give me that basque. He throws it her. Mark: Tell him to buy you a bigger size. Molly: I bought it myself. Mark: He needs sex games to get a hard-on. Molly: He is perfectly virile. What else have you taken ? She is looking in her suitcase. Mark: Under the sofa cushions. She grabs them, holding the vibrator like a dagger in her right hand. Molly: You’ve no right. Mark: Does he know you use that ? Molly (brandishing the vibrator close to his face): This is testimony to your inability to satisfy me. Mark: A herd of elephants couldn’t satisfy you. Molly: I’m a responsive woman. I have to be handled with care. Mark: You make yourself sound like something sent through the Royal Mail. Molly: I’d have a better chance of orgasm with the average postman than with you. Mark: You’d exhaust the entire membership of the Communication Workers’ Union and still not come to satisfaction. Molly: My erogenous zones are unknown territory to you. Mark: Your erogenous zones are as hard to locate as Ai Weiwei. Molly: You couldn’t find my erogenous zones with a Satnav. Mark: They are like the depths of the Arctic ocean, unfathomable and lifeless. Molly: You’re the only man who’s been unable to find my G spot. Mark: I’m not bringing a Geiger counter into the bedroom. Molly: If you found it you wouldn’t know what to do. Mark: If I found it they’d give me the Nobel prize for biology. Molly: I’ve endured your premature ejaculations for nearly thirty years. Mark: Not premature. I’m wired for multiple impregnation. Molly: Not so much three strikes and you’re out as three strokes and you’re finished. Mark: That’s because access takes so long. You have to camp out overnight to get inside you. Molly: When I was young I thought it was because my body aroused you so much. Now I know it’s simple inadequacy. Mark: You had a great figure when you were young. Molly: Where’s my money ? Mark: We were happy then. Molly: Give me my money, Mark. Mark: We were a happy couple in the early days. And you were certainly an attractive woman. Once. Molly: Give it to me. Mark: I haven’t touched your money. Molly: There was an envelope in here with two thousand pounds in twenties. Mark: Do you want to get mugged ? Molly: Give it back. Mark: You must’ve forgotten to put it in there. She goes for him. He dances away. She pursues him over the furniture and round the room. Molly: Don’t add theft to your misdemeanours. Mark: You added adultery to yours. Molly: Don’t pretend you’ve been faithful. Mark: When did I have time for shagging ? Molly: You were screwing Linda Leach while I was pregnant with Jake. Mark (stops): Linda Leach ! Molly plunges her hands in his pockets. Finds the envelope. Molly: You bastard. Mark: What evidence do you have ? Molly: These. (She points to her eyes. Stuffs the envelope back in her suitcase.) Mark: I never laid a finger on Linda. Molly: I saw the way you looked at her. Mark: When ? Molly: When we went out with them. When they came to dinner. Mark: You’re crazy. Molly: You always did prefer blondes. Mark: What ? Molly: Why did you marry a brunette ? Mark: I didn’t marry your hair. Molly: You spent all evening looking at her tits. Mark: When ? Molly: When they came to dinner. Mark: I don’t even remember her tits. Molly: You made a thorough study of them. Mark: Did she have big tits ? Molly: Don’t pretend. Mark: Big as yours ? Molly: Nothing like as big as mine. Mark: Why would I look at her tits. I could have looked at yours. Molly: You were letting her know you wanted to shag her. Mark: I was letting Brian know too. Molly: He was too polite to say anything. Mark: Too polite to object to me shagging his wife ? Molly: So you admit it. Mark: Oh yes, I shagged her all over the place. Molly: You bastard. Mark: I shagged her on the number 27 bus, in the Hogshead, in the back of taxis, on the runway at Heathrow… Molly: She wasn’t the only one. Mark: No, I shagged hundreds. Molly: You joined the tennis club because of Bron Park. Mark: Bron Park ? Molly: You ogled her every time she bent over. Mark: Did she have a nice arse ? Molly: You should know. Mark: Shapely as yours ? Molly: Nothing like a shapely as mine. Mark: Seems I’ve spent my married life shagging blondes with little tits and fat arses because I didn’t like the colour of your hair. Molly: You always were louche. Mark: Louche ? Molly: It’s also French. Mark: I know it’s French. What does it mean ? Molly: Lecherous. Mark: No it doesn’t. Molly: So what does it mean ? Mark: Disreputable. Molly: Same difference. Mark: I am not disreputable. I’m a banker. Molly: Same difference. Mark: I’ve been faithful to you for twenty-seven years. Molly: You’ve been ogling women since you were twelve. Mark: You didn’t know me when I was twelve. Molly: I can imagine. She pushes the buttons on her mobile. Mark: Have you eaten ? She shakes her head. Mark: I’ll make something. She shakes her head. Molly: Could I have a taxi right away please. 27 Kingsway. One. Into town. Okay. She stands before the mirror putting on her make-up till the end of the scene. Mark: Think about it, Molly. Molly: About what ? Mark: The old days. Molly: The old days are gone. Mark: The kids. Molly: The kids are adults. Mark: One day they’ll have children. Molly: Jake is gay. Mark: Emily will have children. Molly: Not if I can stop her. Mark: She’ll grow out of it. Molly: She’s like you. Mark: I am her father. Molly: It’s inbred. Mark: What is ? Molly: Her mental instability. Mark: All young people are unstable. Molly: Not all young people run off with men thirty years older than them. Mark: Especially boys. Molloy: It was obviously a father figure. Mark: Thank you Dr Freud. Molloy: To compensate for her absentee actual father. Mark: I was working. Molly: Ha ! Mark: Have you noticed how banking functions these days ? Molly: I know what working late at the office means. Mark: A hundred grand a year, that’s what it means. Molly: Expense accounts at the lapdancing club, that’s what it means. Mark: I do not go to lap dancing clubs. She stares at him. Mark: Once. She continues to stare. Mark: Twice. She continues to stare. Mark: Twice. To be sociable. Molly: You had a daughter waiting for you. Mark: At least I came home. Molly: I always came home. Mark: Eventually. Molly: It’s the industry. Mark: Exactly. Molly: You work five miles from your front door. Mark: You could’ve stayed at home. Molly: You earned peanuts. Mark: I earn a hundred grand a year. Molly: Since when ? Mark: Since years. Molly: Months. Mark: I could’ve got promoted sooner if you’d been at home. Molly: Mark, you’re fifty-three. Mark: I made it. Molly: Men twenty years younger are earning ten times more. Mark: Not Will. Molly: He’s inherited. Mark: From whom ? Molly: His mother. Mark: What was she, a school cleaner ? Molly: She was married to a dentist who played the stock market. Mark: How much ? Molly: A couple of million. Mark: This house is worth that much. Molly: Don’t exaggerate. Mark: Have you seen how prices are rising in London ? Molly: Have you seen how they’re rising in Brighton ? Mark: So you’ll be a kept woman. Molly: I will not. Mark: He’ll never see you. Molly: He’ll see me enough. Mark: That job eats you up. Molly: I’m committed. Mark: China one week, Poland the next, Chile the one after that. Molly: That’s the industry. Mark: It’s not a job it’s a mental illness. Molly: You’re jealous. Mark: Who wants to fly round the world showing people how to manufacture cheap cotton knickers ? Molly: Fashion is a complex industry. Mark: You ruined this marriage. Molly: It’s finished. Mark: It was finished long ago. Molly: I’m glad you admit it. Mark: You know why you got married ? Molly: I don’t want to hear you theories. Mark: So you’d have a marriage to destroy. Molly: You’re crazy. Mark: You’re a modern woman. Molly: What’s that supposed to mean ? Mark: You hate the idea of marriage. Molly: I’ve hated the practice of it for fifteen years. Mark: Is it any wonder Emily is screwed up. Molly: Are you blaming me ? Mark: Your example. Extreme selfishness. A car horn sounds. She packs away her make-up. Struggles with the suitcases. Molly: Can you give me a hand ? Mark shakes his head. She heaves the suitcases to the door. Mark: You’ll be sorry, Molly. Exit Molly. Mark: Molly ! Lights out.
The bank. Mark is at his computer, somewhat ruffled. His mobile sounds. Mark: Hello. We hear the voice of his interlocutor, Larry. Larry: Hi Mark, Larry here. Mark: Hi, Larry. Larry: How are things ? Mark: Fine. Larry: Mark, I’m just looking at your piece about CDOs. Mark: Yeah ? Larry: Terrific. Mark: Glad you like it. Larry: Great work, Mark. Mark: Thanks. Larry: This is really good for the bank. Mark: Well, I hope so. Larry: No doubt about it. There’ll be money for you from this. Mark: Good to hear. Larry: You know there’ve been doubts raised ? Mark: Sure. Larry: Faint hearts. And faint hearts never made billions. Mark: Nothing surer . Larry: This does the trick for us. Mark: That’s what I was after. Larry: We’ll pick up business. Mark: You think so. Larry: No question. This is key: “The old ways of doing banking are gone for good. The high street bank is no more a timid place for the careful depositor. It is a money generating factory and CDOs are fundamental to the dynamic of aggressive pursuit of profit.” Mark: You like that ? Larry: It’s beautifully expressed. Mark: Thanks. Larry: You are the poet of modern banking. Mark laughs. Larry: I seem to remember your wife had an interest in poetry. Mark: Well, she has a friend who writes. Larry: That’s right. Didn’t I meet him at your place ? Mark: Not at our place. Larry: Over dinner somewhere ? The Ivy ? Mark: Maybe. Maybe. Larry: You have a poet’s way with words. Mark: It was just an article. Larry: Articles are ten a penny. This is a little bit of genius. Mark: Oh, that’s setting it rather high. Larry: What you’ve got to think about is confidence. Mark: Sure. Larry: Confidence makes the world go round. Mark: You’re right. Larry: People read this they believe in CDOs. Mark: You think so ? Larry: You have a convincing style. Mark: Good to know. Larry: You could’ve been a politician. Mark: Not me. Larry: No money in it but you could’ve. Mark: I prefer to write. Larry: I know you do. You’ve done a great job. Mark: Any way I can help the bank. Larry: I’ll make sure you get rewarded. Mark: Thanks, Larry. Larry: Investors are going to come running to us. Mark: That’s great. Larry: That’s democracy. Mark: It is. Larry: Give people the information, they make their choices. Mark: Our system. Larry: None better. Mark: No alternative. Larry: We’re indispensable. Mark: We are. Larry: The guy who lives on the street, thanks to us he lives in a democracy. Mark: He does. Larry: Any other system what happens ? Mark: He’s in prison. Larry: Right. Or the gulag. Mark: We give him his freedom. Larry: Choice between people sleeping rough and taking away democracy is no choice. Mark: None at all. Larry: Point is the people need to know. Mark: They do. Larry: They need to be informed. Mark: Essential. Larry: By us. Mark: Who else ? Larry: We have the knowledge. Mark: That’s key. Larry: What do most people know ? Mark: Nothing. Larry: Less than nothing. Mark: Ignorant. Larry: People are ignorant. Mark: Thoroughly. Larry: So how can they choose ? Mark: Forget it. Larry: They need to know what we know. Mark: They need education. Larry: In the ways of the economy. Mark: Of money. Larry: They listen to the wrong people what happens ? Mark: Disaster. Larry: Correct. The wrong people must not be heard. Mark: They’re dangerous. Larry: Listen to them the economy goes bang. Mark: We’re all screwed. Larry: The point is, freedom of speech. Mark: Can’t do without it. Larry: Let the masses have a voice what happens ? Mark: Tower of Babel. Larry: Nobody hears anybody. Mark: Dialogue of the deaf. Larry: A few voices speak, everybody hears. Mark: The message is clear. Larry: Clarity. What happens without it ? Mark: Chaos. Larry: That’s the role of a free media. Mark: You’re right. Larry: Who gives them the information ? Mark: We do. Larry: Those in the know. Mark: Who else ? Larry: Who else precisely ? The masses have a voice. Mark: They vote. Larry: That’s enough. Mark: It’s more than enough. Larry: They vote for those in the know. Mark: That’s the system. Larry: It works. Mark: Most of the time. Larry: You’re right. When does it break down ? Mark: When people don’t listen. Larry: To us. Mark: We run the country. Larry: We own the country. Mark: The facts are the facts. Larry: Those who own decide. Is that fair ? Mark: Nothing fairer. Larry: We give the information to the people. They choose. Who could do more ? Mark: Impossible. Larry: We look after people. Mark: Our task. Larry: Without us they’re swinging through the trees. Mark: We are civilization. Larry: Your article gives investors the information. They’ll be as hungry for CDOs as young men for pussy. Mark laughs. Larry: Had any good pussy lately ? Mark: I do okay. Larry: I’m e-mailing you a couple of pictures. Mark: Okay. Turns to his computer. Larry: First one is a whore I picked up in Singapore. Was she legal ? Who cares. But take a look at this pussy, Mark. Mark: Computer’s running slow. Larry: Second one is the daughter of a guy I play golf with. Mark: Yeah. Larry: Sixteen. Mark: That’s nice. Larry: Not done her GCSEs yet. Mark: Nice and fresh, eh ? Larry: Sucked my cock and took it up the arse. Mark: Sounds great. Larry: It is great, Mark. Like me to introduce you ? Mark: I don’t want to trespass on your property, Larry. Larry: Five grand she’ll do what you like. Bank pays. Mark: Got the pictures. Larry: Look at that quim, Mark. Mark: Yeah, amazing. Larry: Don’t ask how old she is that’s all. Mark laughs. Larry: Are you free tonight ? Mark: Tonight ? No. Molly and me are entertaining. Larry: Cosy dinner at home. Mark: That’s it. Larry: Tomorrow ? Mark: Yeah. Maybe. I’ll have to have a word with Molly. Larry: Keeps a tight rein, eh ? Mark: No, no. I mean, I do what I like… Larry: That’s the way. We can go out and buy some young pussy. Mark: Sure. Only my daughter’s coming home for a few days. Larry: How old is she ? Mark: Twenty-two. Larry: Single ? Mark: She has a partner. Larry: That’s good. Nothing like family, eh Mark ? Mark: That’s it. Larry: Family is the bedrock. Mark: It is. Larry: Did I tell you Samantha is studying medicine at Oxford ? Mark: No. I didn’t know. That’s terrific. Larry: It is terrific. She’s a bright girl. Mark: Takes after her dad. Larry (laughs): Yeah. Her mother has the scientific brain. Mark: Really ? Larry: She could’ve been a doctor herself, but you know, the opportunities didn’t come to her. Mark: That’s a shame. Larry: It’s all about opportunities. Mark: You’re right. Larry: You’ve got to take your opportunities where they lie. Mark: That’s how you get on. Larry: You got that second picture ? Mark (He doesn’t look at the screen): Yeah. Larry: Randy little whore, eh ? Mark laughs. Larry: I’ve done some good deals for her father. He trusts me. Mark: That’s lucky. Larry: It’s not lucky, Mark, it’s skill. Mark: I guess so. Larry: The girl just wants money. Mark: Don’t they all ? Larry: Don’t they. She wants to live like a celebrity. What does it matter to her if I get my dick up her arse ? Mark: She gets the money. Larry: That’s the point. Mark: I know. Larry: Everybody and everything has a price. Mark: For sure. Larry: And the bank pays. Mark: It’s a perk. Larry: The bank should pay. Mark: You’re right. Larry: The bank pays for talent. Mark: You’ve got the talent, Larry. Larry: You too, Mark. We’ve made hundreds of millions for this bank. Mark: We deserve our rewards. Larry: But that’s nothing to what we will make. Mark: We work hard. Larry: We work very hard. Mark: We do. Larry: The country should be grateful to us. Mark: Where would the country be without us ? Larry: In the shit. Mark: You’re right. Larry: We work hard and we need our leisure. Mark: You can’t work all the time. Larry: Look at that sweet cunt, Mark. Mark (Doesn’t look at screen): Yeah. Larry: That’s our reward. Mark: It is. Larry: Snort a few lines and get her sucking on your dick and your ready for another tough day. Mark: Absolutely. Larry: So you’re busy tonight ? Mark: Yeah. Pity. Larry: Hank asked me to go into town with him. Mark: That’s great. Larry: It’s okay. But you know about Hank ? Mark: What’s that ? Larry: He likes to snort and drink but when it comes to the girls, well he’s of the other persuasion. Mark: Takes all sorts. Larry: I don’t judge. Mark: That’s right. Larry: He likes young boys’ arses that’s his business. Mark: Sure. Larry: Just cramps my style. Mark: I can understand that. Larry: It’s his perk. Mark: Of course. Larry: He’s earned it just like we have. Mark: He’s a hard worker. Larry: He’s made tens of millions. Mark: He’s a legend. Larry: Have you met his wife ? Mark: No. Larry: Very attractive woman. Mark: Yeah ? Larry: I wonder if she knows. Mark: Well, she’s married to him. Larry: Marriages have many secrets, Mark. Mark: I guess so. Larry: That’s how they survive. Mark: There’s something in that. Larry: Imagine your wife knew everything. Mark: Scary thought. Larry: Works both ways. Mark: You’re right. Larry: Between you and me, I know his wife better than I should. Mark: Really ? Larry: She threw herself at me. Mark: Wow. Larry: I earn more than him. I’m his superior. Those things influence a woman. Mark: They do. Larry: You take your opportunities. Mark: Why not ? Larry: That’s business. That’s life. Mark: You’re right. Larry: Let me know when you’ve got a night free. Mark: I will. Larry: We’ll get some young pussy, a few lines. Release the tension. Mark: I need that. Larry: This is a tense job. Mark: Stressful. Larry: It’s a high wire act. Mark: Without a safety net. Larry: We fall everybody falls. Mark: It’s a big responsibility. Larry: We run the economy. Mark: That’s right. Larry: People think it’s the politicians. Mark: What do they know ? Larry: What we tell them. Mark: We call the tune. Larry: We are the masters they are the puppets. Mark: We keep ‘em dancing. Larry: That’s democracy. Mark: It is. Larry: What’s democracy without us ? Mark: Finished. Larry: Spot on. Listen. That was a great article, Mark. Mark: Thanks. Larry: No. Thank you. You are going to make this bank a lot of money. Mark: I hope so. Larry: You’ll get your reward. Mark: I’m grateful. Larry: You’ve earned it, mate. Mark: Thanks, Larry. Larry: Take care. Love to Molly. Mark: Sure Larry: Speak soon. Call ends. Mark sets down his mobile. Looks at screen. Enter Bill. Bill: Got a minute ? Mark: Sure. Bill: What you looking at there ? Mark: Something popped up on the screen. He gets rid of the pictures. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: I don’t go in for that kind of thing. Bill: Fair enough. Mark: What can I do for you ? Bill: I read your article. Mark: Oh. Bill: Ace. Mark: Glad you liked it. Bill: I wish I could write like that. Mark: You’ve got time. Bill: I haven’t got the talent. Mark: Practice. Bill: You nailed it. Mark: I do my best. Bill: You were talking to Larry ? Mark: I was. Bill: What’s he think ? Mark: He’s happy. Bill: He should be. Mark: Investors will come running. Bill: Bound to. Mark: We’ve got a money-making machine here. Bill: It’s a slick operation. Mark: It’s fast. Bill: That’s key. Mark: You invest, your return comes in years. You speculate it comes in months. Bill: Weeks. Mark: Days. Bill: Finance has broken free. Mark: It’s an autonomous realm. Bill: We’re way ahead. Mark: No-one can catch us. Bill: We’re on a rising curve. Mark: By the time it falls, our fortunes are made. Bill: That’s genius. Mark: The trick is, new products. Bill: Like your article says. Mark: That way they never catch us. Bill: We’re always running down the fire escape while they’re coming in the front door. Mark: Well expressed. You’ve got a good attitude, Bill. Bill: Thanks. Mark: That’s what counts. Bill: You’re right. Mark: Oxbridge, Phd, all the qualifications in the world. Useless if you don’t have the right approach. Bill: Nothing truer. Mark: It’s rare. Bill: That’s why it’s rewarded. Mark: That’s the point. Everyone thinks it’s easy. It’s human nature. We all want money. It isn’t easy. It isn’t human nature. It’s a gift. Do most people get up in the morning and say “How much can I make today ?” ? Bill: They don’t. Mark: Why not ? Bill: They don’t have the talent. Mark: They don’t have the attitude. Bill: They’re lazy. Mark: They’re losers. Bill: That’s life. Mark: You can’t change it. Bill: Not a chance. Mark: Larry’s got it. Bill: He’s got it in tons. Mark: No day escapes him. Bill: I admire that. Mark: Has he ever let an opportunity go by ? Bill: Never. Mark: Some people would say he goes too far. Bill: There are always nay-sayers. Mark: His private life. Bill: Sure. Mark: He likes pussy. Bill: What’s wrong with that ? Mark: Young pussy. Bill: Who likes it old ? Mark: Sometimes he crosses the line. Bill: He’s a risk-taker. Mark: Exactly. Namby-pambies don’t make billions. Bill: They play safe. Mark: What happens to the world then ? Bill: It goes nowhere. Mark: It stagnates. Bill: No progress. Mark: That’s it. No progress, no profit. Bill: Back to the dark ages. Mark: You know what safety is ? Bill: What ? Mark: Poverty. Bill: You’re right. Mark: How did the world get rich ? Bill: Taking risks. Mark: And never saying no to an opportunity. Bill: Never. Mark: Is that human nature ? Bill: It’s genius. Mark: It’s rarer than a Higgs boson. Bill: Physics, eh ? Mark: Those guys are bright. Bill: Very bright. Mark: Are they brighter than us ? Bill: They don’t operate in the same field. Mark: Exactly. Bill: Ours is a different science. Mark: But no simpler. Bill: It’s a complex world. Mark: Complex ? What’s the value of this bank’s CDOs ? Bill: I’d have to guess. Mark: We’d all have to guess. Bill: No-one has the knowledge. Mark: We’ve created something more complex than the universe. Bill: It’s intricate. Mark: Einstein couldn’t unravel it. Bill: That’s something. Mark: Something ? It’s a great achievement. Bill: We’ve changed the world. Mark: My thought precisely. The world will never be the same. Bill: We’ve made history. Mark: They’ll read about us in centuries to come. Bill: They’ll study what we’ve done. Mark: As an example. Bill: Naturally. Mark: We’ve moved things on. Bill: It takes energy. Mark: That’s the word. Bill: It’s the few that matter. Mark: Does history teach us anything else ? Bill: Nope. Mark: You know I studied history. Bill: Not economics ? Mark: No. I’m a historian by training. I learnt the economics on the fly. Bill: Good strategy. Mark: The only strategy. Bill: I studied economics. Mark: Nothing wrong with that. Bill: You’re right, you can learn it on the job. Mark: You have to. Bill: The theory helps. Mark: It gives a grounding. Bill: You know what to look for. Mark: How the land lies. Bill: That’s right. Mark: You’re a bright young man. Bill: Thanks. Mark: There’s a future for you. Bill: I hope so. Mark: Fancy a bite of lunch ? Bill: Sure. Mark: I go to this Italian place run by a guy I did a deal for. Bill: Nice ? Mark: The best. The waitresses know me. Bill: Interesting. Mark: They look after me. Especially Julia. Nice girl. Been there a few months. Bill: Your type ? Mark: Nothing like that. She looks after me. Father figure I guess. Bill: Never know your luck. Mark: I keep an open mind on everything. Bill: That’s business. Mark: That’s life. Bill: That’s how to be alert to opportunity. Mark: It is. Meet you downstairs in five. Bill: Okay. Mark: On the bank. Bill: Sure. Mark: Anything big this afternoon ? Bill: Nothing special. Mark: Some great wine in this place. Bill: Sounds fine. Mark: Couple of bottles, set us up for a late night. Bill: Five. Mark: See you. Exit Bill. Lights out.
Restaurant. Table for two centre stage. Mark and Bill face one another. They hold large menus. Bottle of champagne in ice bucket. An atmosphere of high-class dining.
Mark: What d’you think ? Bill takes a sip from his glass. Bill: Pretty good. Mark: Never drink cheap wine. Bill: Why should we ? Mark: Is that what we break our balls for ? Bill: Luxury drives production. Mark: It creates aspiration. Bill: It’s a requirement of dynamic economies. Mark: That’s nicely put. Bill: Thanks. Mark: Succinct and accurate. Bill: Truth can always be expressed simply. Mark: That’s right. You should write a few pieces. Bill: I’ll think about it. Mark: Gets you noticed. Bill: That’s key. Mark: Helped me get where I am. Bill: Got to pull every lever. Mark: Listen. If you’re looking for a job elsewhere, you can rely on me to help. Bill: Elsewhere ? Mark: This is a big outfit but it isn’t the biggest. Bill: No. Mark: Young man like you wants to get to the very top. Bill: I do. Mark: I can see it. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: You remind me of me at your age. Bill (laughs): I do ? Mark: In some ways. Youth. Bill: Of course. Mark: My age you notice. Bill: I guess so. Mark: One piece of advice. Bill: Yeah. Mark: Have nothing to regret. Bill: I’ll try. Mark: How long have I got ? Bill: Sorry ? Mark: Active life. Bill: I don’t know. Thirty years. Mark: Twenty if I’m lucky. Bill: You can do a lot. Mark: But it’s looking back. Bill: You think so ? Mark: I’m fifty-three. Bill: You don’t look it. Mark: Am I going to see a hundred and six ? Bill: Who knows. Mark: I’m well into the second half. Bill: You’ve done okay. Mark: When you look back, no regrets. Bill: That’s good. Mark: One piece of advice. Bill: Yeah. Mark: You want something, go for it. Bill: I will. Mark: I was like you. Bill: Yeah. Mark: Ambitious. Glint in my eye. I could’ve done better. Bill: You’ve done pretty well. Mark: Larry’s done better. Bill: Larry is exceptional. Mark: He’s very able. Bill: He takes control. Mark: Nail on the head. Bill: He’s unique. Mark: We all are. Bill: Sure. Mark: You can make it. Bill: I hope so. Mark: Like Larry. Bill: That would be great. Mark: Better. Bill: That’s a big ambition. Mark: You’ve got what matters. Bill: Thanks. Mark: Attitude. Bill (laughs): You think so. Mark: What kind of world are we in ? Bill: Tough. Mark: Cut-throat. Bill: You’re right. Mark: Majority are losers. Bill: They have to be. Mark: That’s it. How else can it work ? Bill: No chance. Mark: Jobs have to be done. Bill: Fact of life. Mark: Pay has to be low. Bill: Economic necessity. Mark: Losers. Bill: Their choice. Mark: Exactly. Bill: No-one forces anyone to work. Mark: Labour market is free. Bill: That’s the system. Mark: You make your way. Bill: Don’t complain if you lose. Mark: Don’t expect a leg up. Bill: This isn’t charity. Mark: That’s what I mean. Attitude. Bill: Thanks. Mark: I made a mistake. Bill: What was that ? Mark: I married the wrong woman. Bill: Really ? Mark: Careerwise. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: You married ? Bill: Not yet. Mark: Attached ? Bill: Yeah. A young, attractive waitress enters left and approaches the table. Waitress: Ready to order, guys ? Mark: I think we are, Julia. By the way, this is Bill. Young colleague of mine. Julia: Nice to meet you. Bill: Delighted. Mark: Julia is my favourite waitress. She laughs. Mark: She looks after me. Don’t you, Julia ? Julia: I do my best. Mark: She has the attitude. Bill: That’s great. Mark: I was just explaining to Bill about attitude. Julia: I see. Bill: I’ll have the tapenade tray to start. Julia: Okay. And you, sir ? Mark: No formality. We’re relaxed. Call me, Mark. Julia: Okay. Mark: What did I have yesterday ? Julia: I don’t remember. Mark: Maybe it was the soup. Julia: Maybe. Bill: Then I’ll have the sea bass, please. Julia: Fine. Mark: I’ll have the terrine. Julia: Terrine. Mark: Home-made, Bill. Sans pareil. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: Eh, Julia ? Julia: Sorry ? Mark: The terrine is exquisite. Julia: I’m sure it is. Mark: Pinch a bit of mine. Julia: More than my job’s worth. Mark: My permission. Julia: Main course ? Mark: You know I think I’ll have the smoked salmon pizza. Julia: More wine. Mark: Another of those. Julia: Okay. Mark: We’re celebrating. Julia: That’s nice. Mark: A small success. Bill: He’s modest. Mark: This young man is going far. Julia: That’s good. Mark: Looks the part, eh ? Julia: Sorry ? Mark: Wouldn’t you say he looks the type to make it ? Julia: I’m not sure I can judge. Bill: That’s right. Mark: I would say you’re a shrewd judge of men, Julia. Julia: Any side orders ? Bill: That’s fine. Julia: Okay. Exit Julia. Mark: Lovely girl. Bill: Very attractive. Mark: What’s she doing working here ? Bill: Well, yeah. Mark: Your girlfriend work ? Bill: Barrister. Mark: That’s good. Bill: She likes it. Mark: One piece of advice. Bill: Yeah. Mark: Don’t let it tear you apart. Bill: What ? Mark: You have a family, someone’s career will give. Bill: Well, these days…. Mark: I know. Believe me. One will be ahead of the other. Bill: That’s fine. Mark: Can be. Bill: Doesn’t bother me. Mark: Woman brings home the bacon she gets ideas. Bill: Ideas ? Mark: This is not personal. Bill: No. Mark: It’s society. Bill: I know. Mark: Who’s going to collect the kids? Bill: I’m not even married. Mark: Think ahead. Bill: We’ll pay someone. Mark: Sure. Some things you can’t pay for. Bill: Really ? Mark: Kid playing in a concert wants a parent in the audience. Bill: Oh, yeah. Mark: Who’s going ? Bill: That’s not impossible. Mark: Two big careers, every day is a fight for supremacy. Bill: Doesn’t have to be. Mark: Can’t help it. Bill: I’m not sure. Mark: Wish you luck. Bill: Thanks. Mark: You’ve got the attitude to get ahead. Bill: I hope so. Mark: No disrespect, but you can be number one. Bill: Think so. Mark: Yeah. In the bank and at home. Bill: In the bank is okay. Mark: Take my word. You earn more, she’ll think twice. Bill: About ? Mark: Whatever. Bill: Your wife earn heavy ? Mark: Sure. Bill: What’s she in ? Mark: Fashion. Bill: Big money. Mark: All over the world. Bill: Good. Mark: Consultant. Bill: Great. Mark: Blagues it. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: People will pay big for bullshit if you’re called a consultant. Bill: Sure. Mark: That’s the market. Bill: They choose. Mark: She’s done well. Bill: That’s great. Mark: But there’s pressure. Bill: That’s expected. Mark: In a marriage. Bill: Up and downs. Mark: Got to ride ‘em. Bill: Sure. Mark: But you can count on me. Bill: Sorry ? Mark: You want to move on. Bill: Yeah, thanks. Mark: Now is a time of great opportunity. Bill: I think so. Mark: We’re on the cusp. Bill: Yeah. Mark: The old world is buried. Bill: Thank god. Mark: You’re right. Debt is the new solvency. Bill: Who’s not in debt ? Mark: My grandmother. Bill: Different generation. Mark: Felt guilty. Bill: Ashamed. Mark: We’ve killed all that. Bill: Who made a billion by feeling guilty ? Mark: Shame has no place in business. Bill: Not any more. Mark: My grandmother’s dead. Bill: I’m sorry. Mark: Twenty years ago. Bill: I see. Mark: Paid off her mortgage by forty. Bill: The old ways. Mark: Felt virtuous. Bill: I know. Mark: What’s virtue got to do with it ? Bill: You can’t measure it. Mark: That’s exactly right. Bill: What you can’t count doesn’t count. Mark: The more debt you have the richer you get. Bill: Sell it on. Mark: Exactly. Bill: Finance is the new manufacturing. Mark: The only thing worth making is money. Bill: We are a money factory. Mark: We’ve broken free. Bill: It’s exhilarating. Mark: The future belongs to those with the right attitude. Bill: I know. Mark: You’ve got it, Bill. Bill: Thanks. Mark: One piece of advice. Watch your back. Bill: Sure. Mark: I’m not a competitor. Bill: You’ve got years ahead. Mark: I’ll do all right. But you. You can go to the top. Bill: I hope so. Mark: And the top means billions. Bill: That’s the aim. Mark: What’s a millionaire today ? Bill: Almost poverty. Mark: My house is worth two million. Bill: I know. Mark: My house alone. Bill: A million doesn’t buy a shack. Mark: How much am I worth ? Bill: Ten million ? Mark: I don’t count. Bill: No. Mark: I don’t need to. Bill: Only losers need to. Mark: My daughter gets married, I’ll spend a million. Bill: Only do it once. Mark: I hope. Bill: Yeah. Mark: You’ve got to watch your back. Bill: Sure. Mark: People smile at you in the morning, do the dirty on you in the afternoon. Bill: That’s life. Mark: That’s business. Bill: That’s banking. Mark: Gents. Two minutes. Exit Mark. Bill take out his mobile. Checks. Taps a number. Bill: Hello. Sorry I missed your call. No. No. I’m having lunch with old Cass. Yeah, he’s brought me to this Italian place he uses. Trying to chat up the waitress. I’m not kidding. I’m not kidding. Trying to impress me. And her. This young waitress, very attractive. He says something about her being a good judge of men. I was nearly sick on the carpet. I don’t know. He just asked me. Just said, You want to go out to lunch. On the bank. He’s had three glasses of champagne and he’s pissed. He is. I tell you. He keeps saying, One piece of advice. He must have said it a hundred and seven times. He gives me the creeps. Well, he’s doing the old, If you need a good reference routine. Yeah. Really. As if I’d want a reference from him. I know. I know. He seems to think I’m moving on and he can help me. Christ, he’s nearly sixty and earns about a hundred grand. Yeah. No, I mean it. Pissed. Slurring. Really. Three glasses. The guy is a joke. Why the bank hangs onto old farts like Cass beat me. (As this sentence ends Mark enters, visible to the audience but not Bill. He stops and makes sure he can’t be seen.) I think his marriage is in trouble. You know. How you pick up on things. Keeps talking about the strains. Hey, you know what he thinks ? We’ll fight over who has the big career ! Yeah. I know. You will. Yeah, QC is great but look at bankers’s bonuses. I know I have to get to the top. The point is it doesn’t bother me. No. You earn more than me what do I care? But you won’t. Okay. Okay. We’ll see. Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Have I ever said I resent your career ? No. I don’t. You go ahead. It’s fine by me. It’s absolutely fine. You have your career I have my mine. Well,one of us will. Yes. Yes. One of us will earn more. I know. One of us will go further. It doesn’t. Okay. Okay. But he’s talking about who picks the kids up from school and the pressure it puts you under. Bullshit. I think his marriage has had it. She’s in fashion. Consultant. He’s says big money but that’s probably about a hundred and fifty grand. Hey, his house is worth two million. His house alone. He actually said that. Big stress on alone. Two million. Does he think I’m impressed by that. We’re talking London. I don’t know, Islington or somewhere. But he owns one house. Yeah. Oh, thirty years or something. If ever there was a loser. And he thinks I’m going to him for a reference! No, we haven’t even had the starter yet. I’ll never get him back to the bank. He’ll be flat out by dessert. He’ll probably start waving his dick at the waitress. Mark coughs loudly. Bill: Got to go. Enter waitress right. Enter Mark left. Mark sits. Julia: Terrine ? Mark: Please. Julia: And the tapenade for you, sir. Bill: Perfect Mark: Don’t call him sir. He’s still office junior. Bill laughs. Julia leaves. Mark: Julia ? She turns. Mark: Forget the mains. Julia: But the chef.. Mark: We’ll pay. Exit Julia. Bill: Lost your appetite ? Mark: Time getting on. Bill: Sure. Not a big lunch man anyway. Mark: Lunch is business. Bill: Sure. Mark slowly eats the terrine till it is all gone as if Bill isn’t there. Bill picks at the tapenade.They don’t talk. Mark relishes the food. Licks his lips. Doesn’t look at Bill. Mark: Eat dinner with your partner ? Bill: Usually ? Mark: What’s usually ? Bill: Four a week. Mark: What’s her favourite ? Bill: Curry. Mark: Poor palate, eh ? Bill: I wouldn’t say so. Mark: She likes it hot. Bill: She does. Mark: Not traditional ? Bill: Sometimes. Mark: She likes variety. Bill: You might say so. Mark: How’s the tapenade ? Bill: Oh, yeah. Really good. Mark: Don’t forget you’ve got to work this afternoon. Bill: I’m okay. Mark: Champagne go to your head ? Bill: Not me. Mark: Me neither. Bill: You’re used to it. Mark: I could finish off that bottle and still do the business. Bill: You’re a pro. Mark: One question. Bill: Yeah ? Mark: Could you explain to Julia what a CDS is ? Bill: A waitress ? Mark: Me ? Bill: Yeah. Mark: Go ahead. Bill: A swap contract. The protection buyer pays spreads and gets a payoff if an instrument produces a credit event. Mark: No-one understands that. Bill: We do. Mark: The high priests. Bill: Right. Mark: A challenge. Bill: Okay. Mark: Explain it so Julia can get it. In an article. Bill: Okay. Mark: I’ll get it published. Bill: Terrific. Mark: Deadline is the thirtieth. Bill: No problem. Mark: That’s the best terrine in London. Bill: Looks good. Mark: Got to see a client. Gets up. Bill: I’m done. Mark: See you later. Settle the tab. Exit Mark. Lights out.
The bank. Mark at his computer. His mobile sounds. Mark: Hello. Larry: Mark ? Larry. Mark: Hi, Larry. Larry: Busy? Mark: Always. Larry: Free Saturday ? Mark: Saturday ? Larry: Yeah. Mark: Taking a client out. Larry: Pussy ? Mark: No. Larry: Shame. Tomorrow ? Mark: Possibly. Larry: Pussy hunt. Mark: Yeah. Larry: Nice and young. Mark: Sure Larry: Helps you forget you’re getting older. Mark: I know. Larry: When I’m ninety-nine I’ll pay some whore to suck my cock. Mark: Why not ? Larry: I’ve got the money. Mark: That’s power. Larry: I buy what I like. Mark: It’s your prerogative. Larry: It’s a transaction. Mark: Like any other. Larry: I pay to get my dick up a fifteen year-old’s arse, what’s wrong with that ? Mark: It’s her choice. Larry: It is. What’s the sticking point ? Mark: The law. Larry: Red tape. Mark: Regulation. Larry: We’re regulated to death. Mark: Tied in red tape. Larry: The answer ? Mark: Change the law. Larry: Who’s going to do that ? Mark: Up against it. Larry: The point is. Why obey the law ? Mark: That’s right. Larry: Who doesn’t speed ? Mark: The Pope speeds. Larry: What’s the difference ? Mark: Principle’s the same. Larry: Exactly. Law stands in the way of freedom it must be changed or ignored. Mark: That’s rational. Larry: Rational is the word. We’re rational. Mark: We are. Larry: We make rational choices. Mark: Naturally. Larry: I choose what gives me pleasure. Mark: Who wouldn’t ? Larry: That’s rational. Mark: Perfectly. Larry: Think about it. I bring my desire to the market the whore brings her arse. I want to fuck her. What does she want ? Mark: The money. Larry: The money. Is she rational ? Mark: Why else would she do it ? Larry: The point exactly. It’s commercial. Mark: A deal. Larry: I get what I want she gets what she wants. Is that perfect ? Mark: Perfect as it gets. Larry: Is Adam Smith right ? Mark: Proven. Larry: So what’s the law doing ? Mark: The law is misguided. Larry: Protecting her innocence ? Mark: It’s an argument. Larry: It’s a non-argument. Mark: Of course. Larry: She wanted innocence she’d be a nun. Mark: She can choose. Larry: She’s free. Mark: That’s our system. Larry: Except the law gets in the way. Mark: It does. Larry: In the way of a perfectly good deal between free individuals. Mark: Crazy. Larry: Is this the Soviet Union ? Mark: It isn’t. Larry: Is this misguided morality ? Mark: It is. Larry: Where’s the morality in stopping a perfectly good transaction ? Mark: That’s sick. Larry: You’re right. That’s pathological. Mark: It is. Larry: It has no place in the free market system. Mark: None whatsoever. Larry: Does virtue put your dinner on the table ? Mark: Never. Larry: What does ? Mark: Self-interest. Larry: I pursue my self interest the whore pursue hers. She’s fifteen. So what ? Mark: She can choose. Larry: Is she a consumer ? Mark: She is. Larry: Can she choose what to buy ? Mark: That’s the market. Larry: Can she buy a rampant rabbit ? Mark: Her freedom. Larry: Can she choose to have my dick up her arse ? Mark: Why not ? Larry: The law makes me angry, Mark. Mark: It should. Larry: Did the Suffragettes obey the law ? Mark: They defied the law. Larry: They did. And why ? Mark: Because the law stood in their way. Larry: Because the law stood in their way is exact. Is the law in my way ? Mark: It is. Larry: Is it in her way ? Mark: It is. Larry: So we should change the law. Mark: That’s the answer. Larry: Fuck a girl who’s fifteen and eleven months you’re a paedophile. Fuck her friend who’s sixteen and one hour you’re a well-adjusted citizen. Is that nuts ? Mark: Completely. Larry: I know the argument about children. Mark: We know it. Larry: I don’t want to fuck children. Mark: You’re not a pervert. Larry: Precisely. I have appetites. Is that normal ? Mark: Perfectly. Larry: I do not fuck children. Mark: Of course you don’t. Larry: I fuck fifteen year old whores. Mark: It’s not the same. Larry: Nothing like the same. Mark: She gets paid. Larry: That’s the point. Mark: Sure. Larry: GCSE Economics. Mark: The basics. Larry: She’s running a business. Mark: She’s making a profit. Larry: A profit ? Do you know how much they charge ? Mark: I can guess. Larry: You want to find out ? Mark: One day. Larry: Why wait ? Mark: I’m not in a hurry. Larry: Try it. Mark: I will. Larry: You’ll get hooked. Mark: You think so ? Larry: Tell you why ? Mark: Why ? Larry: You’re defying death. Mark: Yeah ? Larry: See that fifteen year old arse in the air and you think you’re sixteen again. Mark: That’s great. Larry: You are sixteen again. Mark: I guess so. Larry: What lets us do that ? Mark: Money. Larry: And how do we make money ? Mark: Business. Larry: On the head. What stands in the way of business stands in the way of life. Mark: Life itself. Larry: What is life ? Mark: Who can say ? Larry: We can. Life is series of transactions to make money. Mark: True. Larry: Take marriage. Mark: For example. Larry: For example does your wife like shoes ? Mark: She does. Larry: She’s a woman. She likes shoes. Mark: Beyond question. Larry: She wants a pair of shoes what will she do for them ? Mark: She’s well paid. Larry: I know that. Suppose she wasn’t. Mark: She is, Larry. Larry: I know she is. But my point is would she suck your cock for a nice pair of shoes ? Mark: She buys her own. Larry: Course she does. Suppose you bought her a Lamborghini. Mark: She prefers a Mercedes. Larry: You buy her a brand new Mercedes. Is she happy ? Mark: She’s pleased. Larry: Pleased enough to take it up the arse ? Mark: That’s not our thing. Larry: What is your thing ? Mark: That’s private, Larry. Larry: Of course it is. My point is marriage is a transaction. Mark: Of a certain kind. Larry: Come divorce what’s the problem ? Mark: Kids. Larry: The primary problem. Mark: Well, I’d say it was the kids, Larry. Larry: Property. Mark: That’s a problem. Larry: That’s the problem. Mark: It’s significant. Larry: You know what marriage is ? A way of confining sex within property relations. Mark: Interesting idea. Larry: You love your wife ? Mark: Yeah. Larry: Divorce her immediately. Mark: You think so? Larry: Don’t let property sex and love get entwined. Mark: Hard to keep apart. Larry: Put property first. Mark: Of course. Larry: Sex second. Mark: Sure. Larry: Love a long way third. Mark: Maybe. Larry: Everybody manipulates everybody to get what they want. Mark: That’s a way of seeing things. Larry: The world, Mark. Mark: Part of things. Larry: It’s business. Mark: Sure. Larry: So what happens to love ? Mark: It has its place. Larry: How many people you know are divorced ? Mark: A few. Larry: Many. Mark: Okay. Larry: How many of your parents’ generation were divorced ? Mark: Not many. Larry: What’s happened ? Mark: Hard to say. Larry: I’ll tell you what’s happened. Mark: What ? Larry: We’ve won. Mark: Who ? Larry: Bankers. Mark: We’ve done okay. Larry: We’ve changed the world. Mark: True. Larry: Change the circumstances change the person. Mark: That’s right. Larry: That’s what’s happened. Mark: Sure. Larry: What kind of person makes it today ? Mark: A banker. Larry: The kind of person who doesn’t fuck about with love. Mark: I see your point. Larry: You want to get ahead what d’ you think about ? Mark: Profit. Larry: Sure. But fuck everyone else. Mark: It’s a tough world. Larry: You know what’s in my head when I get up every day ? Mark: Exchange rate. Larry: How can I make more money than every other fucker. Mark: That’s why you’re rich, Larry. Larry: Never stop thinking about it. Mark: You’re a pro. Larry: I play golf I’m thinking about money. Mark: That’s normal. Larry: I’m fucking a fifteen year old whore I’m thinking about money. Mark: Twenty-four seven. Larry: My wife’s sucking my cock what’s she thinking about ? Mark: Tell me ? Larry: Money. That’s what’s happened. Mark: I know. Larry: We did that. Mark: We did. Larry: We changed human nature. Mark: That’s something. Larry: Forever. Mark: No going back. Larry: Sometimes it scares me. Mark: Responsibility. Larry: But we did it. Mark: We were way ahead. Larry: We are way ahead. Mark: Always. Larry: Is money a thing ? Mark: A thing ? Larry: It is not, Mark. Mark: What is it, Larry ? Larry: A relationship. Mark: True. Larry: Who controls ? Mark: We do . Larry: Love and power are enemies, Mark. Mark: Right. Larry: Make your choice. Mark: Got to. Larry: Why am I rich ? Mark: You chose power. Larry: Want me to sort out a whore for you ? Mark: Sometime. Sure. Larry: What about Bill ? Mark: Bill ? Larry: What’s his kind of pussy ? Mark: I don’t know him well. Larry: I like him. Mark: Yeah ? Larry: He’s got potential. Mark: Maybe. Larry: Not sure ? Mark: He’s slick. Larry: He is. I like that. Mark: Not sure he can stay the course. Larry: No ? Mark: Have my doubts. Larry: Why ? Mark: Married to a high-flyer. Larry: Who wants to fuck a loser ? Mark: Not me. Larry: He does good work. Mark: Not bad. Larry: Big money. Mark: Not big enough. Larry: You don’t think so ? Mark: Lazy. Larry: Yeah ? Mark: Too many long lunches. Larry: It’s a perk, Mark. Mark: Can’t hold his booze. Larry: I didn’t have him down as a cissy. Mark: Three glasses and he’s slurring. Larry: Should drink more. Mark: She’s got him leashed. Larry: No kidding ? Mark: The big career is hers. Larry: What’s she do ? Mark: Barrister. Larry: He’s fucking brains. Mark: She’s holding him back. Larry: You think ? Mark: Kids come along, who’s doing the school run ? Larry: No. Mark: I tell you. Larry: They can pay. Mark: Not the money, Larry. Larry: Power ? Mark: Won’t let him get ahead. Larry: The bitch. Mark: You’re right. Larry: We should take him out. Put him straight. Mark: I’ve tried. Larry: He’s in love. Mark: He is. Larry: Wanker. Mark: She’s got him. Larry: He’s needs some new pussy. Mark: No interest. Larry: Gay ? Mark: No. Larry: I thought he was going to the top. Mark: Me too. Larry: I’ll talk to him. Mark: I have. Larry: Too late ? Mark: Lost cause. Larry: He’s young. Mark: Wrong attitude. Larry: Tragic. Mark: She’ll win. Larry: He could’ve made billions. Mark: He’ll make money. Larry: Any twat can make money in a bank like this. I thought he could hit the heights. Mark: I may be wrong. Larry: You know him. Mark: I do. Larry: You work closely. Mark: I see him in action. Larry: I trust your judgement. Mark: I expected better. Larry: What’s the matter with that bitch ? Mark: You know the struggle, Larry. Larry: I know you’ve got to win that struggle. Mark: Sure. Larry: What’s she going to make ? Quarter of a million a year ? Mark: About. Larry: Chicken feed. Mark: I know. Larry: I’m disappointed. Mark: We did our best. Larry: We gave him a chance. Mark: A leg up. Larry: In a world where people cut your legs off if you turn your back. Mark: His choice. Larry: He knows the game. Mark: I’ve told him. Larry: Straight ? Mark: No chaser. Larry: He doesn’t get it ? Larry: Okay. Got to go. Mark: Speak soon. Larry: Eye on the ball, Mark. Mark: Sure. Call ends. Lights out.
The restaurant. Night. Mark with his empty plate before him, glass of wine in his hand. Bottle of champagne in bucket. Enter Julia.
Julia: Shall I take that away ? Mark: Thank you. That was delicious. Julia: Glad you enjoyed it. Mark: You been working all day ? Julia: Since eight this morning. Mark: Long hours. Julia: I’m dead. Mark: Like working here ? Julia: Oh, it’s okay. Boss is a bastard. Mark: Yeah ? Julia: Things are tight. Mark: Seems to do well. Julia: The others. He owns seventeen. Mark: I know. Julia: Thinks he’ll have to close some. Mark: Shame. Julia: People aren’t spending. Mark: Some people. Julia: Yeah. We feel it. Mark: You notice ? Julia: Lunchtimes mostly. Office workers getting a sandwich instead. Mark: Sure. But the higher end keep eating. Julia: I suppose. Mark: Economic cycle. Julia: Don’t understand that stuff. Mark: Going to make a career of this ? Julia: No. I’m a student. Mark: I had you down as bright. What subject ? Julia: Fine art. Mark: Painting ? Julia: Yeah. I sculpt. Mark: I like painting. Julia: Yeah. I can paint. Mark: What d’you paint ? Julia: Portraits. Studies of women. Mark: Like to see some. Julia: Okay. Mark: Might be interested. Julia: Fine. Mark: What prices ? Julia: My most recent, two, three grand. The older stuff, a grand. Mark: Could buy for the office. Julia: Yeah. Mark: Got a studio ? Julia: Work at college. Mark: Think you’ll make it ? Julia: Make it ? Mark: Rich artist. Julia: Competition is deadly. Mark: Way of the world. Julia: I guess so. Not for me though. Mark: No ? Julia: I don’t think so. Mark: What’ll you do ? Julia: Art therapy. Mark: What’s that ? Julia: Disabled, mentally handicapped, mentally ill. Art as a way of helping. Mark: Fine ambition. Julia: I like helping . Mark: Yeah ? Julia: I do. Mark: That’s good. That’s good. Got to help yourself too. Julia: I’ll be fine. Mark: Money to be made from art. Julia: I’ll have enough. Mark: That’s good. Time you finish ? Julia: Fifteen minutes I’m done. Mark: Out on the town ? Julia: Bed. Mark: Day off tomorrow ? Julia: No. Two more. Nine in a row. Mark: You work hard. Julia: For seven pounds an hour. Mark: Market rate. Julia: He makes a fortune. Mark: The boss ? Julia: The owner. Mark: Gino ? Julia: Yeah. Mark: He runs a good business. Julia: He’s worth millions. Mark: I know him. Julia: Yeah ? Mark: Know how he got started ? Julia: How ? Mark: Came over from Milan with nothing. Borrowed to start a sandwich bar. Worked hard. Julia: That’s good. Mark: That’s very good. Julia: Don’t begrudge him. Mark: The system. Julia: We work hard too. Mark: You do. Julia: Seven quid is stingy. Mark: The market. Julia: Don’t understand that stuff. Mark: Trick is, right side of the line. Julia: Yeah ? Mark: Here’s the line. This side, money. This side, work. Got to be on the money side. Julia: Guess I’ve had it. Mark: Marry money. Julia: Staying single. Mark: Really ? Julia: My parents’ marriage was a battleground. Mark: Doesn’t have to be. Julia: I know. Mark: How old are you ? Julia: Twenty-one. Mark: Nice age. Julia: What they tell me. Mark: Your age, I didn’t have a care in the world. Julia: Things have changed. Mark: For the better ? Julia: Don’t know. Things feel…oppressive. Mark: Oppressive ? Julia: You know. Debt and worry about a job and houses being so expensive. Mark: Find your opportunities. Julia: Sure. Mark: Never miss one. Julia: I’ll try. Mark: You’ll do okay. Julia: Hope so. Mark: You’re a hard worker. Julia: I do my best. Mark: I can see. Never forget someone is going to manipulate you. Julia: I’m not so cynical. Mark: Everybody manipulates everybody to get what they want. Julia: I try not to. Mark: That’s good. But don’t forget all people aren’t like you. Julia: I won’t. Mark: End of the day, we’re all fighting one another for money. Julia: I’m losing. Mark: Just starting out. Your age I didn’t have money. Julia: Who does ? Mark: Easy-going. Julia: Best way. Mark: Could’ve been like you. Julia: A waiter ? Mark: Arts. Played piano. Julia: Classical ? Mark: Jazz. Julia: Cool. Mark: Wrote poetry too. Julia: Poetry inspires me. Mark: Never made me a penny. Julia: Play in a group ? Mark: My own quartet. Julia: Great. Mark: Gigging six nights a week for peanuts. Julia: But the music. Mark: No good without money. Julia: Still play ? Mark: Not for years. Julia: Write poetry ? Mark: Never. Read a lot ? Julia: All the time. Mark: What’s your favourite ? Julia: James Joyce. I heard their young hearts crying Loveward above the glancing oar And heard the prairie grasses sighing, No more, return no more. Oh hearts, oh sighing grasses Vainly your lovelorn bannerets mourn ! No more will the wild wind that passes Return, no more return. Mark: You learnt it. Julia: Isn’t it lovely ? Mark: Beautiful. Julia: If I could produce something as good as that……well. Mark: Young love. Julia: He understood. Mark: It’s just a poem. Julia: Oh no ! He really feels it. Mark: You think so ? Julia: Oh yes ! Mark: Read Ulysses ? Julia: No. Mark: Not quite the same. Julia: No ? Mark: Lot of stuff about anal sex. Julia: Can I get you anything else ? Mark: No. I mean I might have a brandy. In a minute. But you’re tired. Julia: Still have a few minutes to go. Mark: Why don’t you sit down. Julia: Against the rules. Mark: Who cares ? Julia: I’d get sacked. Mark: I asked you. Julia: Makes no difference. I’ll get you a brandy. Mark: And a coffee. Filter. Julia: Okay. She goes. He gets out his mobile. Frowns. Calls. Mark: Molly ? We hear her. Molly: I forgot something. Mark: Tough. Molly: Can you send it me ? Mark: What is it ? Molly: My gladiator sandals. Mark: Your what ? Molly: You know. With the little heel. Mark: I do not know. Molly: In the wardrobe. Mark: Where you bunged them. Molly: I do not bung. Mark: They aren’t there. Molly: How’d you know ? Mark: I looked. Molly: You looked for my gladiator sandals ? Mark: I did. Molly: Why ? Mark: I’m trying transvestism. Molly: I’ll give you the address. Mark: Forget it. Molly: Put them in a strong box. Mark: Your sandals are gone. Molly: What d’you mean gone ? Mark: To the recycling. Molly: That’s not funny. Mark: I’m not laughing. Molly: They were Russell and Bromley. Mark: Now they’re Oxfam. Molly: They cost me three hundred and seventy pounds. Mark: Cheapskate. Molly: Mark, send me my sandals. Mark: Sandals are all gone, Molly. Molly: You cruel bastard. Mark: A pair of sandals. Molly: I loved those shoes. Mark: Fall in love with shoes there’s something wrong with your love life. Molly: You were what was wrong with my love life. Mark: Get Will to buy a pair. Molly: They had sentimental value. Mark: You’ll break my heart. Molly: I wore those shoes in Rome. Mark: Rome ? Molly: Rome. Mark: We never went to Rome. Molly: Who said anything about you ? Mark: You want me to send you shoes you wore to go shagging in Italy ? Molly: You understand nothing about women. Mark: I understand one thing. Molly: What ? Mark: They’re perfidious. Molly: I am not perfidious. Mark: You don’t even know what it means. Molly: I am not illiterate. Mark: What does it mean ? Molly: Unreliable. Mark: It does not. Molly: More or less. Mark: More or less ? Molly: More or less it means unreliable. Mark: It means treacherous or deceitful. Molly: I am not treacherous or deceitful. Mark: Fucking Will behind my back for years isn’t deceit ? Molly: I was sparing your feelings. Mark: Very nice. Molly: My body is mine. Mark: Entirely. Molly: I didn’t need your permission to have sex. Mark: Then that should have been the arrangement. Molly: Arrangement ? Mark: Marriage is supposed to be exclusive. Molly: That’s such a sexist idea. Mark: It applies equally to both parties. Molly: Until the man wants to fuck his secretary. Mark: I never fucked my secretary. Molly: You didn’t try hard enough. Mark: I took marriage seriously. Molly: Not seriously enough to keep your hands off Bron Park’s arse. Mark: I never touched her arse. Molly: Well she wanted you to. Mark: How do you know ? Molly: A woman has an instinct. Mark: Paranoia. Molly: I am not paranoid. Mark: You imagined my infidelity. Molly: You’re a man. I didn’t have to imagine. Mark: I was faithful. Molly: So you’re pissed off I got in first ? Mark: I can attract women. Molly: You couldn’t attract mosquitoes. Mark: Young women. Molly: If you pay enough. Mark: Everybody manipulates everybody to get what they want. Molly: What ? Mark: Your sandals are gone, Molly. Enter waiter with brandy and coffee. Waiter: Sir. Mark: Julia was getting me that. Waiter: Her shift has finished, sir. Molly: Mark ! Who are you talking to ? Listen to me ! Mark: Has she gone ? Waiter: She’s getting her coat, sir. Molly: Send me my sandals you bastard ! Mark (into phone): Fuck you, Molly. (To waiter) Thank you. Waiter: You’re welcome, sir. Exit waiter. Mark puts phone away. Stands. Enter Julia in her coat. Julia: Goodnight. Mark: Goodnight, Julia. Julia ! She stops. He approaches her. Mark: I just wanted to say..if you need a lift…. Julia: No, I’m fine. Mark: I’ve got a chauffeur. I mean I can call him. I can take you anywhere. Julia: No, no. They pay for my taxi. Mark: Julia ! I was thinking…. Julia: Sorry ? Mark: I guess it’s against the rules too. Julia: What is ? Mark: You and me. Julia: What is it you want to say ? Mark: Lovely young woman like you. You must get propositioned all the time. Julia: Is that what you wanted to tell me ? Mark: No. I could buy you a drink. Julia: That’s very nice but I’m exhausted and I have to go home. Mark: I can take you home. Julia: I told you. I’m getting a taxi. Mark: Julia ! He grabs her arm. Julia: Don’t grab me like that ! Mark: I’m not grabbing you. Julia: Please let go of my arm. Mark: Julia ! We could go to a club or… Julia: Can you please let me go ! You’re hurting my arm. Mark: I’m not hurting you, Julia. Julia: Let me go ! Mark: I’m a lot older than you but we have things in common. Julia: Just get off me ! Enter waiter. Waiter: Are you okay ? Julia: Can you tell him to get off me ? Waiter: Can you let go of her please, sir ? Mark: Don’t tell me what to do, sonny. Waiter: Let her go, please sir, or I’ll have to call the police. Mark (letting go): The police ? Waiter: You okay ? Julia: Fine. Exit Julia. Waiter: Do you want to go back to your table, sir ? Mark: Give me a minute. He exists and pursues Julia. She enters, running. Mark: Julia ! Look. I’m sorry for grabbing you like that. Only. Julia: Only what ? Mark: I’m not drunk. Julia: Good. Mark: I’m trying to be nice to you. Julia: I don’t want you to be nice to me. Mark: We could get to know one another better. There’s no reason… Julia: I’m going home. Goodnight. As she turns he grabs her arm. Mark: Julia, let me explain. Julia: Don’t touch me. Let go of my arm ! Mark: We could read poetry together. Julia: You’re hurting me. Mark: I’m not hurting you, Julia. I love you. Julia: Let go of me ! Mark: You wouldn’t have to work. You could sculpt all day. Julia: Let me go or I’ll scream. Mark: Scream ? You don’t need to scream. I’ll look after you. Julia: I don’t need looking after. Mark: Yes you do. Yes you do. We all do, Julia. We all need someone to look after us, Julia. You and me, we could… Julia: Let go of my arm or I’ll cripple you. Mark: What are you saying, Julia ? I want to…. He tries to stop her pulling away. She kicks him in the groin. He doubles up on the floor. Exit Julia, running.Mark writhes and groans. His phone sounds. He finds it and puts it to his ear. Molly: What the fuck’s the matter with you, Mark ? Mark ? Grow up and send me my sandals. Do you hear me ! He cuts her off. Struggles to his feet. Phone again. Mark: Hello. Larry: Mark ? Mark: What ? Larry: You okay ? Mark: Fine. Larry: Where are you ? Mark: Where am I ? Larry: You okay ? Where are you, Mark ? Mark ? You want to met up ? Pussy hunt ? Where are you ? Mark: Where am I ? Larry: Yeah. Where are you ? Mark: I’m…..I’m……..I’ve got absolutely no idea. Lights out.
End.
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